Today was super chill. Lots of sleeping. A few cool presents! Mexican food and quiet family time. I'm not in the best mood today, let's hope tomorrow is better!
My dream last night was a workout for my brain. I had to figure out how to escape from bad people chasing me and others all over different places and some of the people were really young so it was a challenge to keep them safe. Definately a thinking dream.
im really pissed- i typed out a long post then accidentally deleted it. fml. good night, i may try to type it out again tomorrow.
today went very well, saw casual relationship guy and met his friend. sadly the casual dude didnt pick up on my hints that i wanted sex. apparently beginning to take off my clothes and rubbing his dick and putting my butt in his face wasnt clear enough... finally i announced i was on his bed that got the idea, but by then it was too late. got some sad news fom my cousin that is hopefully going to improve. over all good day, and i didnt take a nap! :D
Another freaking dream about the rapist ex, 2 car accidents involving a car that was totaled a while ago that I loved.
Plans for today: meet up with my casual date and meet his friend. Probable sex. Other than that, a chill day (my favorite).
I don't know why water proof mascara doesn't come off too well until at night when I'm sleeping... racoon eyes
Friday, December 22, 2017:
Today was actually a good day! Laying in bed, I can't hardly remember what happened... which is usually good because that means it was productive. I had lunch with a family friend as well as my sister and mother. I slept from 2:30-4 pm and was held down by a cat on my chest for about an hour. I moved too much so he finally got up and I got up and shortly after my family went to look at Christmas lights. It was a nice experience. And then I have been chilling in bed ever since.
Scandalous news of the day: "I am not a hoe" is my mantra, but it's hard to stick with at times. I'm "casually dating" one guy and am having problems with how I speak to other guys. I am struggling with being "loyal" to one person, which I think comes from me treating the ex rapist like garbage, as if we weren't dating. I'm used to blowing off relationships and am not into a serious relationship ability in my point of life.
Life fact: I became single on May 18, 2015 from a rapist who i dated for a total of about 5.5 years. I didn't treat him right, because he didnt treat me right.
So I slept great last night until as usual, my WONDERFUL dad comes in to say good morning before he leaves for work. (Yes, I'm 21 and live at home and love my dad, he is awsome). From 8:30 until 9:30 I had a dream, and not a very good one at that. Simply put, my ex-boyfriend AKA rapist was hanging around an art type place that I happened to be at. The first time I saw him I hurried by and he didn't bother me. However, strangely enough another time I walked by the exact same place, he HADN'T moved!! Weird... I hurried by again. Then he FOLLOWED me back to my family, trying to talk to me. I didn't want him near me, and he knows it. I dump my drink on him and seriously consider getting physically violent. But instead I take my family and run away. That was the most exciting part of my dream.
I'll post again later.
Some Changes In My Life:
Overview- I will be going over some details as I go through life.
- I am now single!
- Recently adjusted meds...
- actually minimal family drama :) thank you LORD!!!
Over the days I will go through what I have gone through and how it still effects me, as well as my daily activities.
